delay (delay) wrote,

back in the flow

a flock of geese in the park. they don't seem to mind me. i feel like a part of their group for a few moments. perhaps they can sense my state of mind. perhaps even telepathically reading my thoughts because they start taunting the everyday people going through their exercise routines...whizzing by on rollerblades and bicycles or jogging at a lethargic pace on the black asphalt trail around the artificial lake. after spending a few moments noting the movements of the geese i continue down the trail. it seems the etiquette on an exercise trail is to mind your own business. my attempts at meeting eyes and nodding with strangers result mostly in them turning their faces slightly to the opposite direction. i walk onto a pier and overhear a father arguing with some tiresome kids. i can only take the side of the kids. embarassed by their confrontation i move on past couples sitting quietly by the lake. my state of mind is meditative and i watch calmly at the patterns of sunlight playing on the rippling water. when i was younger i used to delight in the fact that certain drugs made everyday realities seem idealized like in a movie. i realized that the idealized nature of things is always present and it's merely a matter of perspective that allows me to find that beauty. i find a secluded enough seat and just sit in silence. i close my eyes and take in the sounds all around me. birds to my left. the buzzing of a bee behind me. the rapid low frequency swoosh of a speeding metro to my right. muted conversations from a distance. it's all quite nice. eventually i hear the approaching voice of a young girl trying to get the attention of the adults she's with. as they get closer i can hear their accents. they sound like recent immigrants from india. and the girl's pestering assertions and questions remind me vaguely of myself when i was that age. i'm sure i was quite annoying to be around as i always had loads of questions regarding the most obvious things. perhaps it's this tendency of mine that's put a damper on my own perceptive abilities, most specifically those involving human interaction. i get up eventually so i won't be late for practice but stop briefly to watch some bumblebees feeding on these strange flowers. the entire plant is a pale green and is coated in white hair that makes it seem like it's covered in frost. the flowers are tiny and pink-purple, shaped vaguely like orchids, but arranged in conical clusters. i'm amazed by the skill with which the bees feed. a complex almost geometrical web of motion plays out in front of me as the bees jump from flower to flower, plant to plant, never wasting too much time on a flower that lacks what they're looking for. i feel an urge to grab a bee and feel it's fuzzy body but stop short. i say goodbye to my telepathic geese on the way out and proceed to watch a family of people on my way back to the car. a guy is carrying a baby on his shoulders. he stops in the middle of the park and turns around proudly to display this kid to the rest of the family. they burst out in giggles. i too smile discreetly. i get to my car and finish off the contents of my pipe totally unaware that a middle aged guy is suiting up for rollerblading right behind me. the puffs of pungent smoke creeping out my car window. when i realize i could've been watched i hatch a plan that would in theory prevent him from seeing my license plate. i think this probably drew more attention to me as i sped away down the winding road, past the industrial park and the railroad tracks. there is a certain mystique to this artifical lake. my cousin and myself discovered it many summers ago by accident on one of our biking expeditions. in that sense i feel a sort of ownership for the place. i go there only when i want to feel truly alone. yesterday for the first time in many years i felt the excitement of summer once again. it's a good feeling. despite my usual lethargic pace with life i feel like this will be a good summer. i have new friendships to foster and old ones to reinforce. i'm really happy with the energy in my band who are also my best friends. most days i sit and whine and feel like things could be better. then there are rare instances like these that inform me to the contrary of my usual worries.
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